eyes wide open.

So, spring break is upon us, which means that all five rascals are home for the week. Which means we get to sleep in. Which also means that my brain is like "HAHA NOPE!" and I wake up at 6:30 in the morning. Not fair, brain. Not fair at all.
I realized something when my eyes popped open this morning and I sort of laid in bed and stared at the ceiling for a moment. I realized how TERRIFYING this idea was. For me to open up in this blog and be honest with everyone. Like, really, Jenna....what the H were you thinking? This is scary and I don't know how to do this.

My birthday was on Sunday. Who cares, right? It's just a birthday. I always kind of chuckle at restaurants when the servers start their stupid clap songs and singing to some poor embarrassed soul and I say to whoever is near me, "Yay it's your birthday, you're one day closer to dying." Cynical, I know, but hear me out. Birthdays are for kids; kids get excited about birthdays because of hats and party favors and cake and bouncy houses and pizza and presents. What is there for adults to get excited about? Getting older? Y'all I don't wanna get old.
The point in bringing up my birthday was this, and bear with me because it was kind of a big deal even though it shouldn't have been a big deal. I started the morning off with church- good way to start the day, yes. Then, this really sweet gal named Jessica whom I met on the ChiveMD Facebook page came and picked me up and we went to the Waterfront Hotel down in Fells Point for brunch/drinks with some of the other people we had met on the page. My mom and Sara both called to wish me a happy birthday, as did my brothers, and dad wished me a happy birthday on Facebook (which has come to be expected, I think). Then that was it. None of my other "friends" back home called/texted/Facebooked me to wish me a happy birthday; yet a group of complete strangers whom I had just met welcomed me with open arms and sang me happy birthday and gave me birthday hugs and made me feel like my birthday was actually worth getting excited for. If any of you Chivers/Chivettes happen to be reading this- thank you, from the bottom of my heart. What you did for me on my birthday was beyond compare- you guys ROCK.
I got home from Fells and went in my room and cried. I say "cried" when in all actuality I bawled my eyes out. I can't remember how long I sat in my room alone, crying, until my sister came in to see if I was still alive, at which point she sat down with me and sort of gave me a verbal slap in the face for missing home so much when she hasn't been home since June 2010. How selfish of me, yet she understood my homesickness; how I had just moved 3,000 miles away from my friends who I didn't hear from all day on my birthday. It wasn't until I woke up on Monday morning to a flurry of notifications, and birthday posts on my wall. Nice, you guys. Better late than never. :)

I guess this is all just a part of moving on, right? I didn't just take a step outside of my comfort zone by packing up and moving over here. I completely demolished the comfort zone; it doesn't exist anymore. I realize in order to make new friends and find out what I'm made of, I've gotta put myself out there. That means I'm vulnerable to getting hurt, but hey....I've known hurt. We are pretty good friends.