i want to die. (DON'T FREAK OUT).

Hold up! Don't go getting all worried or anything about my post title! There's meaning behind it, and if you decide to read on, I'll explain what I mean.

Today in church, I spent a lot of time reflecting on where I've been, the things that I have done, where I want to go and what I want to do. Where is my life going? What direction do I want to take? I spent a lot of time paying attention to Pastor Mark, too, so don't go thinking that I was off in lala land during service. :)

It's not uncommon for Pastor Mark to pray numerous times during a service. It's also not uncommon for us to take the hands of those around us and openly pray for one another. Today in church, he called for those that felt like they needed prayer to step out into the aisle, and had those that were closest to those people pray for them. Katie and I went over to a young man and laid hands on him, and as soon as I touched him I felt the air leave my lungs and tears began streaming down my face. I do not know this young man's story, nor do I know his struggle, but what I do know is that I flat out had a physical manifestation of the Holy Spirit and I just prayed and prayed for this man. He will continue to be in my prayers throughout this week.

ANYWAYS.

It all boils down to this: I have not been leading a Christ-driven life. No shocker there. I've been so in and out of my relationship with the Holy Spirit and with Jesus Christ, but I don't want to do that anymore. I CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE.

I want to die. 

I want to be dead to worldly things,

and live for my Savior who is NOT of this world. 

2 Corinthians 7:1 (ESV) says: "Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God."

It's time for me to change the way I've been living, because I know that God is not pleased with what I have been doing. The comforting thing though, is that He knows my heart and knows my desire to please Him by living my life according to His will and His plans. 

What does this all mean, exactly? Well, it means that I'm going to be shifting my focus from here on out. If you notice that I'm not making it out to as many social events, this is why. It's time for me to start growing in a more productive manner- getting back into school, getting my own mode of transportation, getting a job, and getting my own place. I'm 28 years old and I'm not getting any younger. It's time for me to grow up and be a big kid. 

Oh, another thing about church this morning. We sang "Oceans" by Hillsong United and I totally drowned in the Spirit's love. That song just removes me from my physical body and takes me to a place where I'm lost in the Holy Spirit and if you could get one taste of that, you'd be addicted. Kind of like I am. :) 

Until next time, loves. <3