Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October 1st marks the beginning of Domestic Violence Awareness month. As a survivor of the horror of being violated by the one person who was supposed to love me and care for me and protect me, this is very dear to my heart. In order to honor this month and all of the victims and the survivors, the ones who made it out alive, and sadly the ones who didn't, I will not only be sharing my story and my struggles of surviving the abuse and the aftermath, but I will also be sharing statistics and resources that can be essential in surviving domestic violence, in order to educate those who may not be fully aware of the turmoil of domestic violence.

As I sit here and think about my experience, as I often do, I think of how lucky I am to be alive. If it wasn't the abuse that almost killed me, it was what I experienced after I got out. Sometimes its hard to talk about, but I know that sharing my story not only aids in continued healing of my soul and the emotional scars that still remain, but it could also help other victims gain the strength and courage that is necessary to escape.

Domestic violence does not discriminate; gender, social status, etc does not play a role in domestic violence. Abuse is not just physical, but emotional, mental, verbal, and sexual as well. I personally believe that emotional abuse is almost just as bad as physical abuse, as emotional scars linger on far longer than a physical manifestation of the violence. Bruises on my face and my body have long since faded, but the scars that remain on my heart and my emotional well-being are still there. They are not visible to the outside world; they are my scars to bear, and they are visible to only me. Oh believe me, there are not as many as there used to be, as I have been healing for a long time, but they still remain. It took me a very long time to transition from a victim mindset to a survivor mindset. I decided that I could no longer let the abuse define who I was; I couldn't let it rule my life anymore. I escaped a horrible situation only by the grace of God.

So, this is just the first of 31 posts. If you are reading this, please continue to read my daily posts throughout the month. You don't have to, but I would appreciate it. My main hope is that maybe something I write strikes a nerve in someone, who may be in a situation that they are drowning in or they may know someone who doesn't realize what is happening, and can in turn help that individual. Also, if you have any questions, comments, etc- please reach out to me. I am always available.

Love and blessings, until next time.

where were you when the world stopped turning

What can I say about today, that hasn't been said countless times in the past 13 years? I woke up this morning and sort of just laid in bed and let the flurry of thoughts and emotions just resound inside my head. There are moments in my life where I can remember everything in vivid detail; today is one of those moments.

Thirteen years ago, I was a sophomore in high school. I woke up and got ready for school, just as I did on any other day. I walked out the end of the driveway to wait for my school bus, just as I did on any other day. I got on the bus and there was a girl talking about how a plane crashed in New York. Okay, not like any other day. It didn't phase me though, as I plugged in my headphones and zoned out on the way to school, just as I did on any other day.

When we got to school, and I walked through the hallways, I realized that this plane crash was an entirely different situation than I initially thought. People were full on freaking out; crying hysterically, hugging each other. I was sitting in the choir room, looking around at the somber faces of my fellow choir members, as our director began talking about the events that were transpiring across the country. Planes crashing, buildings burning and collapsing, thousands of people dying as police and fire rescue crews did everything they could to save innocent souls. Only when I was sitting in my English class and my teacher turned on the TV and I saw the burning towers did I realize that this plane crash was so much more than just a plane crash.

This was a calculated attack on our country.

As a bratty little 15 year old in high school, I didn't really know how to process that information. It didn't really throw me for a loop or anything, but as someone who absorbs the emotions and feelings of those around me, the pain that I was bearing witness to broke my heart and absolutely floored me.

I've been a lot of places and I've seen a lot of things in the past 13 years. I went from being a bratty high schooler who didn't really understand the magnitude of a situation, to a woman who has served her beloved country in the United States Marine Corps and has lost many friends in the wars that followed the September 11th terrorist attacks. I wasn't as emotionally driven back in 2001 as I am now, and I guess that is the difference between 9/11 for me as a civilian, and 9/11 for me as a Marine. Don't get me wrong- I am in no way saying that this day is harder for me as it is for anyone else; everyone has their own emotions on a day like today. I guess what I'm saying is that as a result of my time in the Marines, I've become a lot more emotionally aware (and somewhat attached) to the events of 9/11 and the emotions that surround such a profound day.

Let us never forget the souls that were lost on this day.

When I am desperate.....HE SHOWS UP!

If you have read ANY of my previous blog posts, then you already know, in a sense, what is coming next. I've talked about this A LOT since starting this blog, but I just can't help it.

When the Holy Spirit moved me to Maryland, oh my gosh was I scared. I had no idea what was in store for me; I did not know WHY I was being moved to Maryland, just that I had to TRUST. The past six months have not been easy. They've been overwhelming, stressful, depressing, lonely, exciting, joyous months. I've made HUNDREDS of friends and when I say HUNDREDS I literally mean that. If you were to go and look on my Facebook profile, I have 137 mutual friends with ONE person. That is HUNDREDS of friends that I have made here in Maryland in the past six months. Nothing has been easy here; I've been struggling financially, emotionally, physically, and mentally. That's not to say that I'm not full of love and laughter everyday- my nieces and nephews make everyday more interesting than the last, and laughing with my sister as we share secretive glances and glasses of wine are blessings that I cannot thank God enough for.

When I am REALLY desperate though...oh man, does God show up!!! Which, in turn, just strengthens my faith in Him and encourages me to keep on trusting in HIS plan for my life. Lately, I've been feeling like He was going to show up and give me a break. I've been feeling like all my struggles would soon prove to be little bumps in the road. I've been feeling like He is about to reward me for staying strong and not breaking down (I've been on the verge more than a few times) and for continuing to TRUST Him; and MAN OH MAN did He just set things in motion!

I have my own plan for things, like getting back in school and getting on my own two feet and gaining independence and living an amazing life. Then there's God's plan for my life where I have NO IDEA what He's got in store for me except that it's all laid out in Jeremiah 29:11 and I have to keep on trusting in that plan, no matter how frustrating it can be at times. No matter what, I know that God has my back, and when His plan comes full circle.....it's gonna be amazing.